Only When Necessary

In his speech on the financial crisis, President Bush remarked:

Our system of free enterprise rests on the conviction that the federal government should interfere in the marketplace only when necessary.

Hmm.  I wonder what happens if I substitute other words for "free enterprise" and "in the marketplace."

Our system of free speech rests on the conviction that the federal government should interfere in the marketplace of ideas only when necessary.

Eeew.  I don't like the sound of that.  But I guess it's consistent with the Bush administration's policy of paying columnists for sympathetic opeds.  Let's venture on.

Our system of a free press rests on the conviction that the federal government should interfere in the media only when necessary.

Well . . . The New York Times might object . . . but I guess if George W. Bush says it's necessary . . .

Our system of freedom of religion rests on the conviction that the federal government should interfere in your church only when necessary.

Holy smokes.

Our system of freedom from unreasonable search rests on the conviction that the federal government should interfere in your phone calls only when necessary.

It isn't interfering if they're just listening in . . . is it?

Of course, I'm being snarky and completely unfair to the president.  After all, economic freedom -- the right to control what you produce -- isn't nearly as important as the rights to think, write, or worship.  (Or so say those who want to control what you produce, without being told what to think, write, or worship.)