June 28, 2012 10:52AM

You Will Now Be Required to Pay for the New York Times

Fretting that Americans are not sufficiently well educated about the government’s perspectives on policy and the world, the President today introduced the Affordable News act. This legislation will make New York Times subscriptions vastly cheaper than they are today, by taxing everyone who does not already subscribe to the paper.

Just kidding.… For now, anyway.