‘Tis Better to Take

In a sign of how toweringly stacked government is against he who believes ‘tis wrong to steal, my place of residence offers taxpayer-subsidized classes on how to maximize your taxpayer subsidy for college. That’s right: The government subsidizes classes on subsidy-grubbing.

“Strategies are revealed on how to reposition assets to minimize the amount the government determines you can afford to pay,” proudly declares the description of “Paying for College without Going Broke” in the winter 2009 adult education catalog from the Alexandria (VA) City Public Schools. Students will “find out how to use the IRS to fund college through ‘tax scholarship’. This seminar will give you the tools and knowledge to meet your goals.’”

That’s right: If your goals include maximizing the amount that other people have to pay for you or yours to go to college, Alexandria has a fantastic deal for you! And don’t worry, only saints refrain from stealing these days, and who wants to be one of them?